Treasure Map 2009

This was my first venture into treasure mapping. What fun! The basic idea is to create a visual layout representing your wishes and intentions for the year ahead during the Aries new moon with all the seed planting, future-manifesting mojo going at that time. I learned about the concept from Tracy's Astro Salon--a well written & insightful astrology blog.

We had an enjoyable get together at my house with several friends chatting and clipping pictures from magazines while our children played around us. I drew mainly from old issues of Shambhala Sun and Natural Home, but I also had these Comstock catalogs which were loaded with useful photos.

I took a right-brain/intuitive approach to the process. I'd chosen posterboard that was purple on one side and orange on the other and when the time came to start gluing pictures, I felt drawn to the purple. The diamond shape also came to me at the last minute. I suppose there's and association with wealth & prosperity--one of my primary concerns. Diamonds in the contemporary card decks correspond with the earthy & practical suit of pentacles in the tarot. Actually, I think all my central themes fit this suit nicely--think "nutrition and fruition."

If I had planned or thought things out in advance I might have looked up the significance of the cardinal directions and arranged my themes appropriately. For the heck of it, even though my map was already complete, I did a google search and found a website which lists various interpretations of the four directions--none of which really fit my own design. The one which came closest and had the most interesting parallels was attributed to the Lakota:
North = wisdom/thought
East = salvation/spirit
South = beginnings/purity
West = conclusions/fullness

And here's mine:
North: (air) joyful creativity, inspiration, turning ideas into reality
East: (water) family/marriage
South: (earth) prosperity, employment opportunities, making ends meet
West: (fire) health & wellness, nourishment (physical & spiritual)


My number one intention is always to live with more presence and mindfulness and I chose for the center pictures which reflected or represented my spiritual core values. Before I got to work on placement I did a bit of bibliomancy and opened to this passage from Stephen Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching (what's written in the middle of the diamond):

In harmony with the Tao
the sky is clear and spacious,
the earth is solid and full,
all creatures flourish together,
content with the way they are,
endlessly repeating themselves,
endlessly renewed.

This was perfect! And it reminded me of "Simple Gifts" which is a song dear to me for its spiritual resonance:
Tis a gift to be simple
Tis a gift to be free
Tis a gift to come down where you ought to be
And when we find ourselves in a place just right
Twill be in the valley of love and delight
When true simplicity is gained'
To bow and to bend we shant be ashamed
To turn, turn will be our delight
Til by turning and turning we come round right

And I found a wonderful buddha picture that embodies this joyful, fluid, transformative, dancing, "going with the flow" energy I seek to cultivate within myself:


So let's start with the North point:

I didn't have a specific meaning in mind for that bird, but the image resonated with me. Maybe ideas taking flight. Freedom & joy in inspiration. Playful artistic expression. I loved the dude playing sax in the picture on the left--he looks like he's having such a good time. And music is definitely something I'd like to bring back into my life. On the right you see the pen & paper--gotta set my intention to devote more time and energy to writing. I chose words & phrases like "Fun" and "space and light" for this section because it is important for me to keep that association with creative work. Parts of the process bring up resistance and aren't so enjoyable and I tend to get weighed down by that. "Community" is a word that went up early and the only one placed at an angle. Reaching out to engage with others in creative and spiritual pursuits is definitely on the agenda, since I tend to be a loner too much. Well, except for my friendships that I cherish and enjoy!  Working to improve community as a kind of social action is important to me as well. One of my dreams is to start a non-profit that brings mothers together to support one another in the postpartum period. Maybe the bird also represents rising above doubts--so often I shoot myself in the foot with my ideas before I give them the chance to take flight, discouraged by all the possible pitfalls and obstacles. It's time for some optimism.

Being an English-major type/word person, you can see my map is text heavy. I found a three stanza poem by Thich Nhat Hahn that fit nicely. For the north section I have:

Our True Heritage

The cosmos is filled with precious gems.
I want to offer a handful of them to you this morning.
Each moment you are alive is a gem,
shining through and containing earth and sky,
water and clouds.


And now the East:

Family & relationships were the main focus that evolved here. I started with the picture of the couple in the canoe. Loved that one as a representation of the energy I'd like to enrich my marriage--they are having such fun and sharing the work of keeping the boat afloat and moving along. Water is typically symbolic of emotions, and the stress of keeping up with life's tasks, fears about the future, resentment and anger over domestic squabbles can seriously undermine a relationship--tip the boat, so to speak. And this couple is clearly not getting swept up in the current and keen on one another to boot. Which brings me to the hope embodied in the picture of the older couple enjoying a walk together and my (playfully intentioned) words "happily ever after." Now I know it takes more than one person to make a relationship work, but my intention is to be mindful of the thoughts and feelings I hang onto which have the potential to escalate and sabotage things between my husband and myself. When things aren't going well or I get upset about something, I tend to become fatalistic, dwelling on thoughts that things will never work out, maybe we just aren't right for one another, etc. Such thinking does nothing to serve the relationship. So here's a reminder not to dwell, not to pout and brood, but to acknowledge, process, communicate my needs as appropriate, and most importantly, move on. I added the green buddha figure here (too shiny to see in the photo) which says, "May all beings be happy/beginning with you." As for the castle image--my family is my home and my source of strength. It is my deepest attachment in a world whose transitory nature is perfectly apparent to me. It is both my motivation and means for keeping centered. And the love I feel--both given and received--sustains me. While we can be open to evolve and flow with life's current, I want our togetherness to endure. (If my husband reads this he might be tempted to emit fake vomiting noises at my display of sentiment here.)

One last note about the other pictures in this section. My role as mother is perhaps the part of my life with which I feel most content. Not looking for a change there, but I did want to acknowledge motherhood since I want this by all means to continue, hence the picture with the mom's hand lovingly cradling the child's hands. Toward the top there are smaller pictures of a tree with the sunrise behind it and one with rows of those Russian dolls which fit inside one another. I chose these to represent my wish to find my first family. I'm an adult adoptee who started searching over ten years ago with no success so far and no hope of that changing. Since my son was born the need to know my roots has deepened--my missing family tree extends to him. How wonderful it would be to have some kind of breakthrough--maybe a law passed to open the records that are sealed by the state or finding someone with the inside information to get my mother's name.


Onto the West end:

This one was heavily influenced by a fantastic book I just read called The Yoga of Eating. I'm actually grateful for my quality of health but I'm always on the quest to eat better. This book helped me call the concept of "better" into question. Now my goal is to eat with mindful awareness, listening to my body's signals to choose foods which nourish me most. The funky lettuce leaf here is radiant with vitality, as I hope to be. The water drop (which is clearer in a picture above) serves as a reminder to maintain the health of my mind by treating my thoughts like ripples in still water, just letting them do their thing and not building them up by believing their stories. Interestingly, Traditional Chinese Medicine draws a direct connection between a busy/agitated mind and poor digestion and nutrient assimilation.

The autumn woodland scene at the top is a prompt to get out in nature more--an activity I love, especially living in such a beautiful place as we do here. And the garden below expresses my wish to overcome my black thumb and grow nourishing food and herbs.  Other parents might appreciate the word "sleep" tagged on there--we could all use more of that!

Here the second verse of the Thich Nhat Hahn poem fits both East & West:

It needs you to breathe gently
for the miracles to be displayed.
Suddenly you hear the birds singing,
the pines chanting,
see the flowers blooming,
the blue sky,
the white clouds,
the smile and the marvelous look
of your beloved.


Finally the South corner:

Two perfect pictures for this one had me terribly excited. The first was the nest at the bottom--golden eggs with cash interspersed. Am I looking to get rich? No, but we hope to sustain our life here without continuing to rely on public assistance and the generosity of family. We are truly fortunate already because poverty in America is not what it is in so many places in the world, and we have more advantages than others (education, health, transportation, family support) to give us the means to turn things around. What would help is a little luck in throwing some viable opportunities our way--hence the Aces (also brings the tarot to mind--good energy for getting things started). The businessman walking toward the lighted door could be both me and my husband--we're both looking for the light at the end of the tunnel with regard to employment. Here I chose words and phrases carefully because we really crave work which doesn't make us crazy or go against our values. I barely endured four years of retail sales before Charlie came along, and I can't go back to that and be the mother I want to be. And we both feel strongly that full time daycare for him is not an option for us at this point.

The final stanza of the poem reads:

You, the richest person on Earth,
who have been going around begging for a living,
stop being the destitute child.
Come back and claim your heritage.
We should enjoy our happiness
and offer it to everyone.
Cherish this very moment.
Let go of the stream of distress
and embrace life fully in your arms.


That about sums it up. While taking this look at my hopes and wishes I found that acknowledging and expressing gratitude for what I have was an essential and vital part of the process. A large part of what I chose to ask for here is help remaining mindful and centered so I might appreciate the abundance of moments that so easily get overlooked and to be able to do my part to serve life by more fully being myself.  

Here's to  realizing dreams and positive changes in 2009!

At the Park

Top 10 Parenting Books

I'm a sucker for countdowns of this sort, and you tend to find all sorts of them with the end/beginning of the year. Plus, I've been a major slacker with this blog, so it is about time I posted. So, if you are shopping for yourself or another parent-to-be, here's my take on the best of the overwhelming glut of parenting books on the market. (Not that I've read them all, and my biases are clearly evident.)

#10--The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears
I almost took this one off the list. For one, this article makes some excellent points. Also, the idea of seeking advice from the dominant male doctor parenting "guru" (formerly Spock, now Sears) was deservedly scoffed by Jean Liedloff in The Continuum Concept. But this encyclopedic tome was co-authored with his wife Martha, and no one can deny that their parenting experience is impressive. With loads of information about infant development, this one's a reliable reference which I found myself turning to again and again when I found myself questioning, "Is this normal?"

#9--The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
Gotta have a sleep book, right? And this one has loads of gentle techniques for the Attachment-minded parent to get more sleep without resorting to the unsavory cry-it-out method. (Told you my biases would be clear.) I'm a firm believer that sleep is more a product of a child's unique temperament and physiology than anything else, and I have to admit that nothing I tried produced the holy grail of sleeping through the night. Frankly, I moved to a place of acceptance regarding my restless co-sleeper a long time ago, but if you're looking to feel in control and "do something" about your child's sleep, there's plenty in here to try, and a lot of solid information about sleep in general.

#8--Learning All the Time (or anything else) by John Holt
My plan is for unschoolers to take over the world. Seriously though, John Holt is a wonderful advocate for children's rights to respectful treatment and honoring their independent thinking. Whether or not we choose to homeschool, as parents we are our children's first and most influential teachers, and Holt's child-led approach is the best foundation for a vibrant and inspired life of learning.

#7--Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn
This one's more for theory than practice, inspiration rather than action. Kohn makes a strong case against behaviorist models of parenting (think carrot/stick or gold stars/time outs), arguing that punishments and rewards lead children to focus on how their behavior affects themselves, versus others. He offers a framework for an alternative way to work with our children, rather than doing things to them. This one's already moved to "classic" status, influencing some of the more recent books out there.

#6--Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn
Parenting and family relationships in general have been for me the most powerful center for spiritual growth. Even if you aren't a Buddhist, you'll find here the motivation to slow down and take the time to be present and deeply engaged with your child, which is nourishing and rewarding in itself.

#5--The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by LLLI
This is the one book I wish I had read before my son was born. It's the standard introduction to breastfeeding and reference for solving basic, common nursing issues. As many families come to understand, breastfeeding is more than a feeding choice; it is easily a style of parenting in itself, encompassing sleep, discipline, nutrition, lifestyle and more, which you'll find expanded upon in this book.

#4--The Natural Child by Jan Hunt
The heart of Jan Hunt's parenting philosophy might well be her "Golden Rule" of parenting: "Treat your child as you would like to be treated if you were in the same position." I find her insightful essays to be a source of inspiration and reaffirmation of my parenting values. You can read a bunch of them and many others also here at The Natural Child Project.

#3--Naturally Healthy Babies and Children by Aviva Jill Romm
An essential tool to educate yourself and support your child's health and wellness, it is my go-to book for herbal recipes to battle congestion, alleviate the crankies, etc. Aviva Romm's books are a huge help in learning to trust the body's wisdom and healing process.

#2--How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
A classic for good reason, this book was an enormous help to me when I was teaching young people of various ages. Drawing upon principles of nonviolent communication and active listening techniques, the book is full of specific strategies for engaging cooperation, resolving conflicts and fostering healthy and loving family relationships based on mutual respect. The cartoon examples throughout make it easy to glean and revisit the ideas when you are short on time and attention span (as many parents so often are!).

#1--Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort
I have to admit that this is the most recent book of this sort that I've read, but it quickly became my favorite. Aldort's psychology shows a strong Buddhist influence, not in the religious sense, but in terms of stepping back from judging our children's behaviors as "good" or "bad" (there's an acknowledged anti-behaviorism solidarity with Kohn here) and granting our children space to experience life in their own terms and process their emotions with support from us if needed but certainly without our active "management." So many parenting books offer philosophies that seem so simple, yet we find ourselves falling short of our parenting ideals again and again. Aldort's S.A.L.V.E. formula is a useful tool in understanding and changing our patterns of reacting to behaviors we find bothersome. The first step she advises is for us to stop and be mindful of the initial script that starts running--a script which is heavily influenced by our culture, our own childhood experiences and (mostly irrational) fears. Once we let go of that and give ourselves a little reality check, we can connect with our child in the present moment and respond with mindfulness and intention, often employing that good stuff from book #2 above. At first glance, one might think she advocates a lax, child-centered approach veering on permissiveness, but in fact she's clear on the point that we aren't here to tailor circumstances and our responses so that our children feel or act "good" all the time. Rather, by learning to accept and "be with" our children's anger and sadness, they are more likely to move through their feelings and let them go instead of escalating into more socially unacceptable behaviors. When children are respected as individuals instead of coerced or manipulated so that their behavior meets our (and society's) expectations, they are more likely to respect others in turn. Makes perfect sense to me.